"I am kindly asked by Dr. Kaufhold to assist in the care of this lovely 46 year old lady who has inflammatory carcinoma of the right breast," writes DrMaryKatherineMurphy in the summary of her biopsy. Not your usual dry, boring medical report.
So there it was, confirmed, right there on paper. I had cancer.
The good news was that although inflammatory carcinoma was fast moving, my type had hormone receptors that ensured success with the type of chemo that would be given to me.
Because I felt OK, except for my boob hurting. DrMaryKatherineMurphy felt that the cancer had remained in the breast and had not spread to any other part of my body except for a small lump maybe in my lymph nodes that was too small to biopsy.
This brought me to stage III cancer out of IV stages. The plan was four months of chemo to shrink the 3.5 centimeter tumor, a double mastectomy that would include reconstructive surgery, and then radiation after that.
Up next, a PET scan and meeting my oncologist.
Saturday, April 28, 2012
DoctorMaryKatherineMurphy
"Although she's straight, she's Catholic and very nice." said my primary physician, lesbian Dr. Kaufold, about the surgeon who she was referring me to who would do my mastectomy.
"Well I used to be straight and Catholic." I replied.
Dr. Kaufold was right, DrMaryKatherineMurphy (we say her name just like it is written, it makes much more sense that way) was very nice. She was also very scattered and disorganized appearing to be much like a modern day version of a nurturing absent minded healer who makes potions for whatever ailment is brought to her by the townspeople.
Dr. Kaufhold said that DrMaryKatherineMurphy would be staying late that night, a Friday, in order to see me and gave us her cell phone number as well. Unfortunately, something came up for the doctor and she conducted a verbal assesment over the phone. The call lasted over an hour and covered everything from my medical history to Sheri's recent illness, our dogs, my high school softball years and belly button lint.
By the time Sheri and I made it to her crowded office the first time for a biopsy we figured we were in for a wait due to her style.
An hour and a half later she breezed in from surgery and started seeing patients who were waiting in the waiting room. It seemed that she was worth the wait. After a while we were led into a room where instead of the usual doctor's room table, there was a low leather bench with no arms or back. DrMaryKatherineMurphy asked some follow up questions, talked about our dogs, then instructed me to lay down on the bench. Sheri would kneel at my head stroking my hair and she would perch like a bird near my shoulder to take a biopsy of the breast which by now was beginning to hurt.
The good doctor was not the organized type, nor was she the type of person who was organized in clutter. No she was disorganized in disorganization. Drawers were overstuffed with supplies and she dug through them throwing everything that she didn't need over her shoulder until she found the item that she was looking for, usually at the bottom of the drawer.
Whenever she stepped out of the room to look for something Sheri and I would crack up under our breath at this woman!
Once all the supplies were gathered, the biopsy began. The site on my breast above the tumor was numbed and a large needle was inserted. DrMaryKatherineMurphy sucked up fragments of the tumor and put it into a test tube to send to the lab. Since part of the tumor was on the outside in the form of a rash, she biopsied the skin using what looked to Sheri like a hole punch. I could see Sheri's eyes get real big like a kid who had just seen a fire truck drive by with lights flashing and siren whaling as a sample of my skin was taken and put in solution for testing. "Whoa, that was cool!" she said. I just rolled my eyes at her "Seriously?"
As Dr. Murphy worked through the procedure, she tossed the gauze used to sop up blood onto a sterile mat that she had layed on the floor. Amidst the bloody gauze, used syringes, test tubes and other surgical material were the Dr.'s keys and her cell phone. As she was cleaning up, she looked at Sheri's neck bandage covering the hole in her trachea from when she was on the ventilator while she was sick with pneumonia. "Now, let's have a look at that." Sheri was on a different insurance plan that did not include the good doctor and there was a waiting room full of people that had been waiting for a long time, yet there she was fixing the dressing on my lady love's throat.
Strangely, I was and am comforted by DrMaryKatherineMurphy.
"Well I used to be straight and Catholic." I replied.
Dr. Kaufold was right, DrMaryKatherineMurphy (we say her name just like it is written, it makes much more sense that way) was very nice. She was also very scattered and disorganized appearing to be much like a modern day version of a nurturing absent minded healer who makes potions for whatever ailment is brought to her by the townspeople.
Dr. Kaufhold said that DrMaryKatherineMurphy would be staying late that night, a Friday, in order to see me and gave us her cell phone number as well. Unfortunately, something came up for the doctor and she conducted a verbal assesment over the phone. The call lasted over an hour and covered everything from my medical history to Sheri's recent illness, our dogs, my high school softball years and belly button lint.
By the time Sheri and I made it to her crowded office the first time for a biopsy we figured we were in for a wait due to her style.
An hour and a half later she breezed in from surgery and started seeing patients who were waiting in the waiting room. It seemed that she was worth the wait. After a while we were led into a room where instead of the usual doctor's room table, there was a low leather bench with no arms or back. DrMaryKatherineMurphy asked some follow up questions, talked about our dogs, then instructed me to lay down on the bench. Sheri would kneel at my head stroking my hair and she would perch like a bird near my shoulder to take a biopsy of the breast which by now was beginning to hurt.
The good doctor was not the organized type, nor was she the type of person who was organized in clutter. No she was disorganized in disorganization. Drawers were overstuffed with supplies and she dug through them throwing everything that she didn't need over her shoulder until she found the item that she was looking for, usually at the bottom of the drawer.
Whenever she stepped out of the room to look for something Sheri and I would crack up under our breath at this woman!
Once all the supplies were gathered, the biopsy began. The site on my breast above the tumor was numbed and a large needle was inserted. DrMaryKatherineMurphy sucked up fragments of the tumor and put it into a test tube to send to the lab. Since part of the tumor was on the outside in the form of a rash, she biopsied the skin using what looked to Sheri like a hole punch. I could see Sheri's eyes get real big like a kid who had just seen a fire truck drive by with lights flashing and siren whaling as a sample of my skin was taken and put in solution for testing. "Whoa, that was cool!" she said. I just rolled my eyes at her "Seriously?"
As Dr. Murphy worked through the procedure, she tossed the gauze used to sop up blood onto a sterile mat that she had layed on the floor. Amidst the bloody gauze, used syringes, test tubes and other surgical material were the Dr.'s keys and her cell phone. As she was cleaning up, she looked at Sheri's neck bandage covering the hole in her trachea from when she was on the ventilator while she was sick with pneumonia. "Now, let's have a look at that." Sheri was on a different insurance plan that did not include the good doctor and there was a waiting room full of people that had been waiting for a long time, yet there she was fixing the dressing on my lady love's throat.
Strangely, I was and am comforted by DrMaryKatherineMurphy.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
The Beginning
Of course I felt it. I felt it every month, the lump in my breast that went away a week or so after my period ended. The problem was that the lump that I felt in December was like the dinner guest that stayed long after their welcome. You're yawning, and they're not contributing anything of value to the conversation or picking up on your not so subtle hints to leave. They just sit there, taking up space.
The lump didn't just sit there, it began to grow and become uncomfortable. I was convinced that it was just a swollen gland.
My trip to the doctor to get it checked out was postponed when my partner nearly died with pneumonia and sepsis, and was put into an induced coma. My days were spent working and going to the hospital, besides, I just had an infection of the boob right? RIGHT?
Sheri was released from the hospital and I made an appointment at the clinic to get some antibiotics. She knew Dr. Kaufhold and gave her a heads up on what was happening. That day was a whirlwind. Dr. Kaufhold did a breast exam, sat back and said she felt nothing good about the lump in my breast. "It could be a swollen gland, an infection, or cancer. I'll need more tests but it feels like cancer or an infection along with cancer." She gave me some antibiotics and pain meds that did not come close to addressing the pain and sent us immediately to the Imaging Center for a mammogram and ultrasound. The boob being squished in a vice hurt like a biatch!
The way Dr. Kaufhold had things progressing just kind of confirmed what I had known and feared even without having any more tests.
I had cancer.
Sure there was hope that I didn't but I was pretty sure that I did. I had feared getting cancer ever since my mom died of pancreatic cancer in 2000. Not only did she let the disease progress until it was too late, but my parent's kept a lot of information to themselves that they wouldn't share with us kids. Being kept in the dark was worse because the secrets made it hard to emotionally process the losing of the woman who had given us life. We made a pact that if anything were to happen to any of us, we would not keep it to ourselves. We would tell each other immediately. My first thought after the realization hit me that I had the disease was "How am I going to tell my sister?" We have a close relationship and I wanted to protect her, my brother and older sister at any cost. It would be easier to go through this alone or with Sheri and not burden them with this. I hated the fact that they would have to go through the worry and fear.I just wanted to protect them.
I called my sister that day it was the worst I had heard her cry in my whole life. I just wanted to make it OK for her as I did not want her to hurt. Cathie was able to tell our brother and sister, this was a task that I just could not bring myself to do. I told the ladies in my support group but I didn't make big announcements. Those who were close, I tried to tell them in person. Telling people I had cancer was like a slow coming out process as the veil of denial lifted from my eyes.
As the numbness set in I was aware of some spiritual tools that fell into place to keep me sane and out of fear. The first was I stayed in the moment, only looking at the next indicated step. I would not allow myself to worry about "what if?" scenarios. Instead I focused on heading to the pharmacy, to a meeting, or cooking dinner.
I feel positive that I will survive this, dying is not an option and I have an awesome support group with my family and friends. I am amazed that God put Sheri and I in each other's lives at the right time to fall in love and blend our lives. I was able to be there through her illness, she recovered just in time to be there for me. God is good.
This is my first public announcement about my cancer. My friend, Kim, suggested I write a blog to keep everyone up to date on what is happening and to record my feelings and impressions of this path. I believe that my writing leaves a lot to be desired, so I'm telling Sheri what I want to say and she's doing the writing. Any errors are her fault.
The lump didn't just sit there, it began to grow and become uncomfortable. I was convinced that it was just a swollen gland.
My trip to the doctor to get it checked out was postponed when my partner nearly died with pneumonia and sepsis, and was put into an induced coma. My days were spent working and going to the hospital, besides, I just had an infection of the boob right? RIGHT?
Sheri was released from the hospital and I made an appointment at the clinic to get some antibiotics. She knew Dr. Kaufhold and gave her a heads up on what was happening. That day was a whirlwind. Dr. Kaufhold did a breast exam, sat back and said she felt nothing good about the lump in my breast. "It could be a swollen gland, an infection, or cancer. I'll need more tests but it feels like cancer or an infection along with cancer." She gave me some antibiotics and pain meds that did not come close to addressing the pain and sent us immediately to the Imaging Center for a mammogram and ultrasound. The boob being squished in a vice hurt like a biatch!
The way Dr. Kaufhold had things progressing just kind of confirmed what I had known and feared even without having any more tests.
I had cancer.
Sure there was hope that I didn't but I was pretty sure that I did. I had feared getting cancer ever since my mom died of pancreatic cancer in 2000. Not only did she let the disease progress until it was too late, but my parent's kept a lot of information to themselves that they wouldn't share with us kids. Being kept in the dark was worse because the secrets made it hard to emotionally process the losing of the woman who had given us life. We made a pact that if anything were to happen to any of us, we would not keep it to ourselves. We would tell each other immediately. My first thought after the realization hit me that I had the disease was "How am I going to tell my sister?" We have a close relationship and I wanted to protect her, my brother and older sister at any cost. It would be easier to go through this alone or with Sheri and not burden them with this. I hated the fact that they would have to go through the worry and fear.I just wanted to protect them.
I called my sister that day it was the worst I had heard her cry in my whole life. I just wanted to make it OK for her as I did not want her to hurt. Cathie was able to tell our brother and sister, this was a task that I just could not bring myself to do. I told the ladies in my support group but I didn't make big announcements. Those who were close, I tried to tell them in person. Telling people I had cancer was like a slow coming out process as the veil of denial lifted from my eyes.
As the numbness set in I was aware of some spiritual tools that fell into place to keep me sane and out of fear. The first was I stayed in the moment, only looking at the next indicated step. I would not allow myself to worry about "what if?" scenarios. Instead I focused on heading to the pharmacy, to a meeting, or cooking dinner.
I feel positive that I will survive this, dying is not an option and I have an awesome support group with my family and friends. I am amazed that God put Sheri and I in each other's lives at the right time to fall in love and blend our lives. I was able to be there through her illness, she recovered just in time to be there for me. God is good.
This is my first public announcement about my cancer. My friend, Kim, suggested I write a blog to keep everyone up to date on what is happening and to record my feelings and impressions of this path. I believe that my writing leaves a lot to be desired, so I'm telling Sheri what I want to say and she's doing the writing. Any errors are her fault.
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